You Don’t Have to Love Your Postpartum Body: Learning to Make Peace With Your Body After Baby

Becoming a mother is one of life’s most monumental transformations for women, and that includes the profound changes that happen to our bodies during pregnancy and postpartum. The frequency of the changes can add to the challenge. For many women, these changes can bring distress as they struggle with a feeling of not belonging in their own bodies or not recognizing themselves. This can be exacerbated by the more practical question of ‘what do I wear today’- with the answer often being that one pair of old, baggy sweats, which can then reinforce the feeling of not being comfortable in one’s own body.

It’s typical for new moms to put off investing in new clothes, even when the old ones don’t fit, telling themselves that they will lose weight and fit back into their own clothes. This reinforces the idea that there is something wrong with the way that your body looks right now and can breed shame. Investing in new clothes, even just one or two new items, can help you to feel better about yourself by moving you to a place of acceptance. When you are trying to fit into your pre-pregnancy pants or are stuck in an old sweatsuit, it reinforces the idea that your body is not acceptable the way it is right now, and the focus is on changing it, instead of embracing it.

In our therapy practice, we find it helpful to explore with women any old ideas they may be carrying with them around what they think their bodies are ‘supposed’ to look like postpartum. Images of celebrities who ‘bounce back’ to their pre-pregnancy weight immediately after delivering have created unrealistic goals in our society for new moms. Acknowledging that this is not a realistic goal is an important first step towards body confidence as a new parent. Also, reminding yourself that your body has changed exactly as it was supposed to, to create and sustain new life, can help women feel more positive and confident about your postpartum body.

Celebrities and influencers often reinforce the 'bounce-back' culture can greatly impact the way we view ourselves as new mothers, whether we recognize it or not. Intentionally choosing to turn our attention to influencers and celebrities who are instead embracing their postpartum bodies, stretch marks, tummies and all, can help us to celebrate the way that our bodies have changed to create and sustain life (for example, Sara Nicole Landry or Ashley Graham).

So focus on the positive role models, examine and do your best to let go of unfounded notions of ‘bouncing back’, and be gentle with yourself as you try and embrace the softness of the current season you are in.