What to Do When Your Mother-in-Law Is Driving You Crazy: Postpartum Edition

A Guide for Couples Struggling with In-Law Boundaries After Baby

Mother-in-laws have been a staple of sitcom humour for decades—but when you're a new parent, struggling with an overbearing in-law can feel far from funny. Whether it’s unsolicited advice, constant visits, or undermining your parenting choices, the tension can take a real toll on your mental health, your relationship, and your sense of peace at home.

As a therapist offering couples therapy in Ontario for new parents, I see this issue come up all the time. You’re not alone—and more importantly, you don’t have to stay stuck in the same arguments week after week.

Why In-Law Tension Escalates in the Postpartum Period

The postpartum period is a time of deep vulnerability and change. You’re healing physically and emotionally, adjusting to life as a parent, and bonding with your baby. That’s a lot to manage—and the last thing you need is extra pressure from extended family. Here’s why in-law stress tends to intensify after a baby is born:

1. Fear of Being Left Out

   Many grandparents—especially first-time ones—fear losing connection with their children or being shut out of their grandchild’s life. This can lead to behaviors that feel intrusive or demanding. While those actions might be fueled by love or anxiety, they can still cross boundaries.

2. Unclear or Unspoken Boundaries

   One of the biggest challenges couples face is getting on the same page about what’s okay and what’s not. Should your mother-in-law just show up unannounced? Is it okay for her to criticize feeding or sleep decisions? Whose job is it to say something when a line is crossed? Without clear, shared expectations—and a united front—these situations often spiral into conflict.

3. Pressure on the Partner in the Middle

   Usually, the partner whose parent is causing tension (often, though not always, the husband) feels stuck between loyalty to their family of origin and their new family. In couples therapy, I frequently work with new dads who are afraid that setting boundaries means choosing between their partner and their parents.

   But here’s the truth: setting healthy boundaries with in-laws strengthens relationships—not weakens them. When done with compassion and clarity, boundaries allow for more respectful, meaningful connection for everyone involved.

How to Talk to Your Partner About the In-Law Stress

The key to handling in-law challenges as new parents isn’t just what you say—it’s how you say it.

Communicate with Vulnerability, Not Blame

Instead of saying: “Your mother is always overstepping and I’m sick of it.”

Try: “I’m feeling overwhelmed, and I really need our home to be a place where I can feel calm and supported while we figure things out as parents.”

Speaking from vulnerability invites your partner to connect with you, rather than get defensive. And it sets the stage for collaborative problem-solving.

Reassure Your Partner (and the Grandparents)

If your partner is worried about hurting their parents or limiting access to the baby, remind them: boundaries aren’t walls—they’re bridges. They allow everyone to feel safe and respected, which ultimately leads to better relationships and more quality time together.

You can say something like:

“I know your mom is excited to be involved, and I want that too. I just think we’ll all feel better with a little more structure around visits so we can actually enjoy them.”

Why Couples Therapy Helps

If you’re finding yourselves stuck in the same arguments about in-laws, postpartum couples therapy can help. A therapist can:

• Help you understand each other’s family dynamics.

• Facilitate boundary-setting that feels respectful and fair.

• Support you both in managing guilt, loyalty, and emotional stress.

• Guide you in prioritizing your new family unit while still honouring grandparents.

This stage of life is tough—but it doesn’t have to fracture your relationship.

You and Your Partner Come First

At the end of the day, your little family is the most important priority. That includes your emotional wellbeing, your partnership, and your ability to parent with confidence. Healthy extended family relationships are absolutely possible—and they start with clear boundaries and strong communication between you and your partner. If you’re struggling to navigate these challenges, our team at MamaCare specializes in couples counselling for new parents in Ontario. Whether you’re facing in-law issues, communication breakdowns, or postpartum stress, we’re here to help you reconnect and rebuild.

Book a free consultation today—your relationship deserves the same care you're giving to your growing family.